[COPY] [COPY] The Calling

The good bad ugly of working with the elderly population and why we do it..

The warm afternoon sun gave way to chilly north winds as darkness overcame its light. Winter is soon to be upon the most northwestern tip of the Texas panhandle, and regardless of my efforts to learn to accept and even enjoy this time of year, I pull my sweater tight against the biting November air and grumble under my breathe, bah..hum bug..I reached my car with the broken drivers side window and I mentally sigh and wonder what else could go wrong. This day was especially difficult for me and although I have 20 years experience working directly with alzheimers patients I am always surprised and saddened when they suffer sudden debilitating changes. I had been working with a lady that I had become especially close to over the last 2 years co-ordinating her transition from independence to a nursing home. Just 24 hours ago she had been fine..just a little disoriented and fearful of her new surroundings..although in reality she had been adjusting for over 3 weeks…but she couldn’t remember so she has to go through the process of realizing she will not be returning to her home of over60 years. Again and again until she gets it… then it’s just deep sadness and despondency. It’s brutal for caregivers to watch and have to help her understand while their own grief is pushed down to put a positive spin on things , but make no mistake somewhere inside those tangled thoughts and questions she knows her worst fears have been realized…” the dreaded Nursing Home “ as she referred to it when I would tell her of my career in our community facility..adding,” I bet that’s an awful place to work”..and I assured her it was a great place to work or live…but she was not buying it for she as well as countless numbers of others believe it to be worse than death. Somethings you have to just accept that there’s only so much behavior modification in an 85 year old beliefs I learned early on after answering the call for home care to her “Brady bunch” decorated home..it’s useless to disagree with the boss. She is quite the formidable foe and don’t be fooled by her memory loss..she was far more intelligent than most including myself. Short term memory loss didn’t change who or what she is although people close to her would scold her and roll their eyes when she would repeat questions that were just answered 5 or 6 times until she would stop either understanding or not wanting to upset their family members for with each new answer the voices were more harsh and louder and more troublesome. But that was before this last phase and fall at home alone in the middle of the night just an hour and half after her daughter had put her in bed after their usual card games. And still its a mystery where the fall occurred and why for she had managed to crawl to her recliner and call her daughter. Her cane was in kitchen and token shredded kleenex in hallway floor …she still cannot remember falling or why and she is so curios as to why she’s even in this place and determined to go home..she is monitored 24-7 because she thinks she can stand and walk on her own only to find excruciating pain and frustration when attempting to prove everyone wrong…alzheimers is a cruel and slow torture filled disease process and takes greedily from those affected until it takes their last breath in death.. And in this process there are wins losses and draws as in everyone’s lives, these processes are more jolting and intense it seems for it looks hopeless and few people can hang there for alzheimers is a sly and vicious thief. And while backing up to escape the carnage they pass me hurriedly reporting to duty headed the opposite direction into the Frontline of the war on dementia not because I am brave or trained necessarily, but I’m called to this job and gifted as well and although paid for my services it wouldn’t be a deal breaker if I want compensated …for those who are called to these positions could not resist the urge to educate and offer the gift of empathy with real time solutions or possible alternatives. I happen to believe in a force much bigger than me that is pulling those stringsyet I am only human and as much as I encourage and pick up the pace and help my residents focus on what’s left instead of what’s lost…there are times when I sink down into my cold wet car and lay my head on my hands on the steering wheel and take a deep breath and try to cry but even that takes too much energy. Rest assured I will begin again when the alarm stirs me from the dreamers sleep of myexhaustion..and I will once again head for the battle to win even a small victory…for the good guys! Moral of story? Don’t vilify the Nursing Homes in your area…check them out or volunteer..it could be a beautiful suprise…and keep learning about the ways to further make the best out of the days